Top 10 Green Flags of a Lasting and Healthy Marriage

Whether you’re currently planning for the big day now or finally in that relationship that you think might be the one, it’s important to always bear in mind the foundation of a great wedding:  a healthy and lasting relationship.  As a performance coach who works almost primarily with partnered achievers and couples, I firmly believe that the relationship you choose can be your biggest asset or detriment to all of the other areas of your life. 

With that in mind, below are some of the most important green flags to look for and work towards to ensure that the marriage your wedding celebrates will stand the test of time. 

Communication

One of the most critical green flags in a marriage is effective communication. The ability to openly express thoughts, feelings and concerns while actively listening to your partner is a hallmark of a strong relationship. Healthy communication fosters understanding, empathy and resolution of conflicts, ultimately leading to a happier union.

Shared Values and Vision

Couples who share common values and long-term goals are more likely to build a lasting and healthy marriage. When partners align on fundamental beliefs, such as family, finances and life aspirations, it creates a strong foundation for growth and happiness together. However, this must also be paired with adaptability.

Adaptability

Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns. A willingness to adapt together is a positive indicator for a successful and healthy marriage. Couples who navigate change and challenges with flexibility and resilience often emerge stronger and happier.

Emotional Mastery

Emotional mastery is a key indicator of a thriving marriage. Partners who are attuned to their own emotions and can empathize with their spouse’s feelings are better equipped to navigate challenges with compassion and sensitivity. This emotional connection fosters a sense of security and happiness within the relationship.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how couples handle disagreements is crucial. Healthy marriages often display green flags in their ability to address conflicts constructively, finding solutions that satisfy both partners rather than escalating disputes. Special note: Conflict resolution is the opposite of conflict free. A relationship with no conflict is not a green flag. 

Respect

Regardless of the argument, mutual respect and trust are fundamental to a lasting and healthy marriage. Partners who honor each other’s boundaries, make decisions together, and have faith in one another’s intentions create an environment of security and happiness. Moreso, one of the foremost researchers of couples, Dr. John Gottman, has identified without question in his 60 years of work that the number one indicator of divorce is contempt – the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. Maintaining respect for one another despite any emotions at play is a formula for longevity. 

Quality Time and Intimacy

Spending quality time together and maintaining intimacy are vital components of a thriving marriage.  And while intimacy can mean in the bedroom, it also refers to the consistent practice of vulnerability in the relationship. Trying new things, asking for help, sharing wins and losses is essential. Regularly connecting on an emotional and physical level reinforces the bond between partners, contributing to overall happiness and marital satisfaction.

Individual Independence and Support

While together time is important, it must also be balanced with alone time and individuality. Partners who support each other’s personal growth, hobbies, and passions create a nurturing environment where both individuals can flourish. This sense of freedom and encouragement contributes to long-term happiness.

Fairly Divided Responsibilities and Roles

Having a very clear understanding and distribution of roles and responsibilities in the relationship creates the strength in a partnership to overcome all of the challenges in life. When both partners actively contribute to the big picture understanding of household tasks, child-rearing, and financial management, it reduces stress and fosters a sense of teamwork and happiness.

Shared Laughter and Joy

Laughter is a powerful tool for happiness in a marriage. Couples who share moments of humor, playfulness, and joy create an atmosphere of light-heartedness that can weather even the toughest storms.

Continuous Growth and Learning

A willingness to learn and grow together signifies a strong marriage. Partners who invest in self-improvement, both individually and as a couple, are more likely to build a lasting, happy union.

Take some time to reflect on these green flags. Are there any that you know could use some strengthening?  There’s always time to learn and grow together when both partners are committed–after all, you have your entire life to look forward to together?  Do these all ring true as strengths? Good for you, one more thing to check off your wedding planning list!

Lindsey Paoli, MSMFT

The MIND Performance Coach 

The MIND Performance Coach, Lindsey Paoli, MSMFT teaches the importance of self awareness and interpersonal relationships as a key to our greatest success and happiness. She is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern, a corporate trainer and consultant, national expert news contributor and co-author of the bestselling book Living a Legacy. She is happily married (after a Vegas Wedding!) with two young children and has called the Vegas Valley home for nearly 20 years.