Have These Conversations Before Your Wedding for a Healthy Marriage

As you plan your wedding day, it’s easy to become immersed in the details of the celebration. But while the wedding is just one day, marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires continuous effort and conversations. Couples who engage in premarital counseling reduce their risk of divorce by 30%, highlighting the importance of addressing key issues before walking down the aisle.

To help ensure a strong and healthy marriage, here are five essential conversations every couple should have before tying the knot.

Long-term Vision and Values

While it’s normal for couples to have differences, having shared values and a similar long-term vision is crucial for a lasting marriage. Research from the National Marriage Project shows that couples who share core values and life goals are more likely to have stable, fulfilling marriages.

Discuss your core values and beliefs—what matters most to you in life? Are there any non-negotiables? Beyond values, it’s important to talk about your long-term vision for your life together. Where do you see yourselves in five, ten, or twenty years? What are your dreams and aspirations as a couple? Ensuring your values and vision are aligned will prepare you to build a life together that fulfills both partners.

Financial Expectations and Goals

Financial disagreements have year-over-year remained one of the top reasons marriages end. Have an open conversation about your current financial situation, including debts, savings, and spending habits. Discuss how you’ll manage your finances as a couple—will you have joint accounts, or will you maintain separate accounts? What are your long-term financial goals, such as buying a home, starting a family or saving for retirement? Aligning your financial expectations and setting shared goals can help you navigate financial challenges together and avoid the pitfalls that lead many couples to conflict.

Family Planning and Parenting Styles

Starting a family is a significant milestone in many relationships. However, it’s important to ensure you’re on the same page when it comes to family planning. While all families are different in their timelines, a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who discussed  their parenting expectations before marriage had higher marital satisfaction.

Whether children come before your wedding or after, there are several helpful discussions to ensure that you make a great parenting team in a happier marriage. Topics include whether you both want children, how many, and when you’d like to start a family. Be sure to talk about your parenting styles. What values do you want to instill in your children? How do you envision dividing parenting responsibilities?

Career Aspirations and Work-Life Balance

Balancing career aspirations with personal life is a challenge many couples face, and it’s a common source of marital tension. It’s important to discuss your career goals and how they align with your vision for your marriage. Are you both committed to pursuing demanding careers, or is one of you planning to take a step back? How will you support each other’s professional ambitions while maintaining a healthy work-life balance? By talking about these topics before marriage, you can set boundaries and prioritize your relationship while allowing both partners to achieve their career goals.

Handling Conflict and Communication Styles with Conversations

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle it can make or break your marriage. According to research published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, effective communication and conflict resolution skills are strong predictors of marital success. Before getting married, have an honest conversation about your conflict resolution and communication styles. How do you typically handle disagreements? Are you more inclined to avoid conflict, or do you prefer to address issues head-on? What areas do you commit to improving for the sake of the relationship. Understanding each other’s communication and establishing ground rules for resolving conflicts can help you navigate disagreements in a healthy, constructive manner. 

Growing a Healthy Marriage Through Open Communication

The statistics on divorce underscore the importance of preparation and communication in building a lasting marriage. By taking the time to have these crucial conversations before your wedding, you’re setting the stage for a healthy, fulfilling marriage that can withstand the inevitable challenges life may throw your way. Open communication is key to a healthy marriage. Addressing these topics early on will help you approach your relationship with a clear and unified vision.

After all, the best gift you can give each other is the confidence that you’re building a strong, lasting partnership based on love, trust and mutual understanding. Your wedding day may mark the beginning of your marriage, but it’s these conversations that will help ensure your happily ever after.

The MIND Performance Therapist, Lindsey Paoli, MSMFT teaches the importance of self awareness and interpersonal relationships as a key to our greatest success and happiness. She is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern, a corporate trainer and consultant, national expert news contributor and co-author of the bestselling book Living a Legacy. She is happily married (after a Vegas Wedding!) with two young children and has called the Vegas Valley home for nearly 20 years.